Dear Fucked-Up Winterover,

I have a friend who spent many years in Antarctica who once had a girlfriend in upper management. One night they had an "Ice Before Christ" party & mixed drinks with the ancient core samples taken for research. Apparently this was very elitist ice, and he only had access 'cos he was fucking management. Ever heard of an "Ice Before Christ" party? Are they really popular & he's just full of shit?

Bunny

PS: He said the ice was really dense & wouldn't easily melt...

Bunny,

I've never been to an "ice before Christ" party. But that does not mean that they do not actually exist. In fact, I have heard of people using ice core samples in cocktails at the bar. Apparently the ice sparks when introduced to alcohol and, yes, it is quite dense. I wouldn't say this type of activity is popular, as the ice core samples are rare and mainly harvested for research. Your friend was lucky to have been involved in such a party. But, with or without the ice cores, parties down here are not to be missed.

Sincerely,

Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Dear Learned Sir,

I wonder if you can help settle a dispute: when recently discussing Antarctic films with a friend, the Susan Sarandon vehicle IceBound came up. We'd like to know how it was being received at the Amundsen-Scott Station. We wonder what the locals think of this bit of cinema? Is it revered in the same way that small towns worship the one resident who makes a splash on, say, Sports Illustrated's "Faces in the Crowd" page? Or is it ridiculed as a distorted view of what really went on and hence given special screenings before a lubricated audience who can't help but offer their own dialogue? We've not actually seen the film. Is it a typical disease-of-the-week made for TV movie, or is it good?

Thanks for your help with this matter, and, please, keep irritating the weak.

Northern Pete

Northern Pete,

The usual fucked-up winterover has not seen the movie in question, so I'm filling in. For one perspective on Icebound, in the King Haakon VII Review there's a review of the movie written by Lisa Beal, who wintered with Jerri Nielsen.

First, a little background. Antarcticans are accustomed to publicity; not individually, but on the whole. Every season there are newspaper or TV publicists who come down, recipients of NSF's Artists and Writers Grant, and National Geographic or Imax film crews. Most people don't think about Antarctica that much, which makes the place famous. It's a strange and mysterious distant land, yearly plagued by mediocre journalists. We know that, but we've also learned that the images these journalists are eventually going to send back to the homeworld will have little or no collusion with our experience of Antarctica. Some like this aspect of the media because it, as an electrician friend of mine once put it, "makes us rockstars". Others have become jaded to the same-old stories of "stations full of researchers" and the "immaculate desolate snowscapes" and avoid seeing or reading Antarctic media altogether. Since the glorious press accounts will align with our workerbee reality in only the rarest of instances, the main achievement for many is merely to get on TV or, in the case of dealing with print journalists, to get quoted. Later when we watch or read the stories, we look for people we know, largely ignoring the point of the story itself, unless to heckle it. Many of us enjoy seeing TV blurbs or reading newspaper stories in which we know everyone, even if the context in which they're presented is mostly fantasy.

That said, I think you might be able to take a good guess at how Icebound is received down here. Those who were there that winter tend to have a stronger response to the movie than those of us who weren't. Those who know Jerri Nielsen or Big John Penney have a stronger response than those who don't. For those more distant from the people and events, the movie more quickly falls prey to absolutely ruthless heckling on almost all counts. Some popular attacks are:

The mispronunciation of the word "Skua".

The scene where the doctor said "Listen, it's absolutely silent" while standing next to a running aircraft. This is one of the most classic media distortions, and always raises a howl of laughter. No station is ever silent: there's always the power plant running, at the very least, and are more often than not very noisy places around the clock.

The scene where everyone is drinking whiskey, and someone offers such to the doctor who replies, "No thanks, I'll just stick with my juice." Perhaps this scene is accurate, perhaps not, but it seems to imply that the doctor wasn't much of a drinker. In the world of middle-American drama, the implication is that someone cannot be a hero to soccer moms everywhere, facing breast cancer and potential death at a remote polar outpost while simultaneously drinking like a fish.

A bunch of inside jokes that would take too long to describe, and even then probably wouldn't be funny.

On the other hand, most people are impressed by how well the movie recreated the interior of the Dome, which looks pretty accurate.

Thanks for writing.

Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Dear Fucked-Up Winterover,

I think I need help... instead of being content with my lot up here on the sunny and temperate east coast, I'm seriously thinking of spending a large chunk of time on that frozen rock you call home. Well... okay, no, I've actually gone beyond the 'thinking about' stage and have begun a practical demonstration of my insanity by applying for GA positions (and anything else I'm qualified for) with RPSC. Is there help for me?

If RPSC actually makes motions like they're going to see fit to drag me down there and deposit me on the rock (McMurdo Station) or the ice (Amundsen-Scott Station), what should I do to be as physically qualified as I can be for the PQ portion of the screening? Should I be finding a walk-in freezer to live in until they call? Should I be running ten miles a day? Should I be building up my alcohol tolerance? Also, how can anyone crazy enough to spend months and months trapped in the antarctic winter possibly pass the psych eval?!

Pensively yours,

"Floe-bee"

Dear Floe-Bee,

Why would you want to keep grinding out an existence up there on the East coast when fun and adventures await you in Antarctica? And nice work going for the GA job too. Those are some of the best jobs. The galley, not as fun as the GA position, is another excellent entry job.

As far as you physically preparing for the job, you need not worry about that. Most people do the most preparation by "studying" for the drug test. Coming here for the winters is incredible and only the crazy people don't want to winter. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but the psych test is a joke. You would seriously have to be completely crazy not to pass it. Where they weed people out is in the psych interview given during the test. Just answer the questions like you know you should (especially the alcohol-related ones) and all will be good. Living in a walk in freezer may be fun, but completely unnecessary. Your dorm room will most likely be too hot and they provide you with all the warm clothes you'll ever need. By God why would you want to run ten miles a day? All the stations down here are quite small and you needn't be bionic to get around. So, don't kill yourself, you're not training for the Olympics. If you can walk you'll be fine.

Building up your booze tolerance is always fun and I can't tell you not to drink. But again any serious training is unnecessary. If you enjoy the booze then it won't take you long to build your tolerance to Antarctic standards. Save your cash, booze is cheap here.

Keep your chin up & thanks for the questions,

Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Dear Fucked-Up Winterover,

I applied at Raytheon for the winterover welder position there and they have not said no, but they have not said yes either. Do they usually stall like this, or is the wait a good thing? Also, if I do get the job should I get my own extreme weather jacket or do they issue those? Also I happen to be a female; are the guys going to get weird after the first three months or are there a lot of other girls there too?

Concerned Hopeful

Dear Concerned Hopeful,

I always enjoy receiving questions like the ones you've sent. Wanting to know about the community on a social level is key in my opinion. But first the business side of things.

You will rarely hear the word "quick" or the phrase "on top of it" used in the same sentence as "Raytheon". The hiring process is like taking a road trip in a really slow old car. The trip will be tiring, slow, at times it will make no sense, and it will be often frustrating. But once you reach your destination the trip will be well worth it. Don't give up hope on the Pinto your hiring experience is currently riding in. By the same token, don't just sit by the phone hoping for a call either. By all means keep in touch with your contact. They are busy sorting through the many applicants they have to consider, but a call once a week is surely not out of line. Keeping your name fresh in their head is always wise. My second time down I was offered an alternate slot and waited six months for a contract. They will indeed stall, but eventually a decision will be made, so make sure you're still in the mix when that time comes.

As far as bringing a jacket, don't bother. Once you land the gig, they will issue you an obscene amount of extreme cold weather gear. True, it's old, but it will keep you warm. Believe you me it's no fashion show down here, although over the season everyone's Carharrts evolve into something unique. Working outside will destroy clothes too, so why trash your own stuff? You will be warm and will mostly like not even wear half of the gear you are required to haul down. The biggest problem with the clothing is trying to find space in your small room to stash it all.

Now to the fun part of your inquiry. It seems that the ratio of guys to girls improves each season, but girls are still most definitely the minority. Hormones are hormones whether you are in a small town in Kansas or at a science support station in Antarctica. Just like up north, you will find guys here that will act like fools around girls. For the record, it won't take some guys three months to get weird, because they show up here weird, as do some of the ladies. That's not to say there aren't plenty of normal Joes to meet. But be certain of this: you will be ogled daily and most likely be hit on a lot. My advice is don't worry about the guys, don't buy a special coat, and keep bugging them about your job.

Thanks for writing.

Fucked-Up WinterOver

~~~

Dear F-Up Winterover,

I have one two part question. Well, a two major part, three minor division question. Major part one being 1) there seems to be a high return rate among the population, i) are most of the residents returnees? ii) Is there a limit to consecutive time served on the continent? iii) Are first-timers systematically socially isolated and sitting alone at cafeteria tables, a la high school coming-of-age flicks? 2) If Antarctica really becomes an integral part of your (anyone's) self-identity, do people ever snap before redeployment and walk off naked into the wilderness never to be seen again, ii) or do the psych evals pretty much screen those dramatic types out of the program? iii) Can you get me into said program?

Doesn't hurt to try,
Stuck Up North Somewhere

Dear Stuck up North,

Who wouldn't like a free trip to New Zealand or Chile? Not to mention a job where there is no commute, you have no living expenses, and the booze is cheap. So, yes, once most people get a taste of the ice in their veins they do return. But fear not, first-timers are not treated as lepers nor are they forced to eat alone. Everyone remembers what it was like to be a FNG (fucking new guy) so nobody is ostracized just because it is their first time on the ice. A person is limited to year long contracts and only cut off when deemed medically unsound to return. The psych test is a joke and only administered to those who want to stay the winter, but I suppose it does weed out the occasional psycho. A lot of folks do a year then return for winters only. Winters are the way to go, but it is wise to start with a summer before getting in over your head.

As far as people snapping and wandering into the wilderness, something similar but far less extreme occurs. Down here there is a phenomenon called "cracking" or "going toast". During the dark winter everyone goes a little stir crazy, but some people lose it more than others. An example of this might be someone that starts to yell at someone else for using their favorite fork or taking their favorite chair in the galley. Or a person just might stop communicating with the rest of the community and basically start to spiral into insanity. When people start to crack they provide much needed entertainment for the rest of us. A friend of mine a few winters back started a "toast list": a compilation of folks he thought would not fare so well as the winter wore on. For the most part it was accurate and now the toast list is a tradition.

Alas, I can be of no real help to get you into the program. I can offer you this advice: apply, go to the job fair, and constantly bug people for a job. They get a ton of applicants with little to no distinction, so you must be persistent. But once you get your bunny boot in the door you should be able to nurse the Antarctic teat for many moons if you choose to.

Good luck and thanks for the question,
Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Dear FUW,

Can you shed any light on the Raytheon policy of not letting potential employees know if they are to be considered for next season's work until they get their post-season eval? This was told to me as I have been inquiring about a winterover pole position. However, I was offered a winterover [position in McMurdo] four months before end-of-season evals. I have spoken to other departments and they have all their winter employees set already. (Verbally anyway.)

[A manager] told me that if they were to tell the potential candidate whether or not they had the position, that it would lead to lack of productivity and unproffesional behavior, and that they had been burned before. What are your thoughts on this?

I have begged them to tell me so if I do have it, I can take care of things like selling my house (so I can afford to work for this ridiculous salary) or if I don't have it, than I can start shopping my resume around.

[L]

Don't kid yourself. As a contract employee you are about as important to management as the gum they find on the bottom of their collective office slippers. You can be scraped off, thrown away and replaced at the drop of a hat. Believe me I've gone through the same scenario of not knowing if I was going to get the job or not and, yes, it sucked. But basically they have you by the balls, and if you don't want to play ball by their rules they will find another sap who will, although I believe if you've been offered a position, you will probably get the job. Begging for information will do you no good though, so buck up cowboy. As far as [the manager's] thoughts on what would happen if the company were up front with people, she may have a point. If you knew the company was screwing you, would you be a good employee anymore? Who would? It benefits them to be tight lipped and keep you guessing. Again this does suck, but remember there is a line of people behind you just waiting to take your slot. Even if that slot is unstable and uncertain.

Yours truly,
Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

I have been thinking about a job there but I am concerned about two things. 1) I am gay. Is that a death sentence there? 2) I can't substain from sex, are there any other gays there that anyone knows of?

[Philip]

Great question. Let me start by saying if you are truly unable to abstain from sex, Antarctica is not the place for you. Gay or not, your odds of getting laid here aren't exactly stellar. So, if you can't keep the horse in the stable don't come to these icy pastures. That doesn't meant there aren't people here that play for the other team. Think of this place as a small mining town. Plenty of rednecks, but there are still some gay folk running around. Just like anywhere else there are people that will accept your sexual orientation and those who will not. But being gay in Antarctica is definitely not a death sentence. I would recommend working at McMurdo where the population is the biggest of all stations, therefore making your odds better. But, don't fool yourself into thinking this is a hot bed of sexual action. It is far from that. (Although you will find plenty of guys that love to cross dress here.) Remember though just because a guy like to go south, it doesn't necessarily mean he likes to "go south". So, go ahead pack up your leather chaps and head south. You might not get all the action you want, but you will have an adventure.

Thanks for writing,
Fucked up Winterover

~~~

Dear F-Up Winterover!

I try to have a nice contact ...but nothing happen!
Do you have job that much to not have a time for little answer?
So ... can you tell me how look your day! How you spend a time in ordinary day!

Luka

Luka,

I like the cut of your jib. First, let me say thanks for your attempts to have a nice contact. Secondly, let me apologize for the lengthy time between your said inquiries and my response time. Please do not take this personally. As you might've ascertained from reading this site, we work quite a bit. Our free time is limited. To throw another factor into the mix, currently our availability to get onto the internet has been greatly hampered due to the malfunction of one of our satellite dishes. In order to get online we must stay up late.

Luka, this is your lucky day, as I've opted to "burn the midnight oil" this fine eve. So, to answer your first question: What does day look like? My typical day looks busy. As I mentioned before, my days here are spent working for science, supporting it to the best of my ability. As far as how I spend an "ordinary day", at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I work. On my off time I like to read and watch videos.

Thanks again for the the questions.

Sincerely yours,
Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Big Hallo!!!!

Hello ! I am very interested in everything there and I need much more information! Do you have several computors there (I mean 3-4 or more )? Do you chat and what program do you use (ICQ,AOL,MMessinger...)? Do I have any chanse to get there by my will?

Luka

Hi again Luka,

Currently I'm sitting in a computer lab that contains six machines. There used to be at least six more, but they have been removed to make room for a comfy hammock. Said removed computers were either distributed amongst the community or stored away until the next summer season. The new stations also houses a computer lab, but I don't know how many computers call that place home. I live in the dome and care little about the details of the new station. As far as "chatting" programs go, I'm not a big fan and choose not to use any of them. No chatting here, just business. I owe you that much I reckon. Just think about it: you wouldn't want me distracted by instant messages while trying to answer your question, would you?

Do you have a chance to get here by your will? Sorry, no. To get here you must be willing to let that free will go and take any job offered. Then, once your ass is entrenched within the program, you can express that formerly suppressed will and seek a better job.

Good luck with those chat programs,
Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

Dear FUWO,

I recently applied for an internship through my university to work at McMurdo for the summer season. Am I out of my rabid ass mind for wanting to go to Antarctica? Also, when selected, what kind of physical do you have to pass? The normal turn your head and cough or what? Are there any Harley Davidson nuts there? Keep the booze flowin' and thanks for reading.

Freezer (this is my real nickname... long story)

Dear Freezer,

First of all, with a nickname like Freezer, of course you need to come down here. Secondly, if you applied for a job through your university, that means you must have some sort of scientific background. Therefore you will have a cake job and most likely have the run of the continent whilst you pursue science. Take the job and come south. It will change your life, be assured.

Don't worry about the physical. Basic stuff, nothing too fancy. Most folks sweat the most over the drug test.

And yes, there are a few folks that love Harleys here. One such fella in McMurdo likes to get drunk and kiss guys at the bar. Another Harley enthusiast also likes to assault guys, but she is a gal. Come on down and bring your biker attire.

Yours,
Fucked-Up Winterover

~~~

I understand that the ice caps are now increasing in size again, please let me know. There appears to be global cooling here in the USA. In fact, I haven't seen it this cold for the last 40 years.

Regards,
Bob Sr.

Bob Sr.,

To be honest, I haven't a clue as to what is happening with the ice caps these days. The only thing that I'm certain is increasing in size down here is my liver. Something that has definitely not increased in size is our community. Winter has begun and we are now down to about 75 souls on station. Unfortunately, not many of those souls belong to the fairer sex. Therefore enter our friend booze.

Thanks for writing, and keep warm up there.
Fucked-Up Winterover

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Consult the Fucked-Up Winter-Over at: winterover@bigdeadplace.com The Antarctic winter lasts from about March to October. Questions asked from October to March will be directed to the Fucked-Up Summer Person.

Big Dead Place cares about quality. That's why we cannot guarantee that the advice columnist will be at a particular Antarctic station, hold a particular title, write coherently, or treat you courteously. We cannot guarantee that the columnist will be the same person from week to week, as one's attention on the ice tends to wander from any activity that doesn't satisfy some immediate and crude desire. We can only guarantee that your columnist is presently in Antarctica writing from a state of devastating intoxication. If you suspect that your question has been given sober contemplation, please notify fscott@bigdeadplace.com and the Fucked-Up Antarctican will be destroyed so as not to infect the others.