Dear Boozy the Antarctic Clown,

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Dear Boozy,

I am stateside and run into your pals Tipsy and Gassy the clowns from time to time. They would both like me to pass on their warmest regards and asked that I pass along the following question: Given the recent Republican takeover of the American Government (Presidency, Senate, House of Representatives and soon the Supreme Court), many people in Ohio claimed they voted on moral values. Do you feel that this change in government will effect your moral values? Also, how do you feel about President Bush's "No Child Left Behind" policy. Thanks for your time.

Brian

Brian,

Yeah I remember Tipsy & Gassy. The two gayest clowns ever. I like to call them Blow & Swallow. Pass on a fuck you to them if you see them again.

As far as your lengthy political question goes, who fucking cares? I only care if there is going to be another prohibition instituted or not. Moral values? My values are centered around what type of vodka a bar offers and which chick has a clown fetish. Perhaps your mom likes clown, eh Brian? Bush can blow me, he is a putz. Even during my blackout drunk times, and there have been many, I can still put my sentences together better than that buffoon. "No child left behind"? What about the clowns? I'd vote for someone that that ran on a platform "free drinks for all clowns". Other than that I couldn't care less. Instead of sending me stupid political questions, send me a bottle of vodka & your mom's phone number.

Boozy

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Hey Boozy!

What are you wearing under your clown suit?

Kilo

Kilo,

You are one sick fuck. I'll tell you what: show up at my pad one night with a bottle of vodka and a sack of weed. Make me martinis and roll me joints all night and at the end of the night I might answer your question. In the meantime, you should go to church and beg forgiveness for being such a perverted motherfucker. Keep jerking off to clowns you moron.

Boozy

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Please, FSR, tell me more about Boozy the Clown.

[MM]

Dearest MM,

Let me start by saying fuck you. I am not a clown one would hire for a kids party. Unless of course you were throwing a "kids learn how to make Boozy a martini" party. I don't make balloon animals nor do I indulge in face painting. I am only concerned with where my next drink is coming from. Want to be Boozy's friend? Get me a drink. Truth be told, it's not easy being a clown. People love to feed a clown shots of booze, yet then call me evil or mean, and some are even scared of me, when I merely give shit back two-fold that I am given. Is that so wrong? I think not.

If we ever meet, get me a drink. Vodka.

Boozy