[15 Aug 03]

Top Ten Reasons South Pole Can't Access the Internet

1. They found our pirated Weird Al Yankovic songs on the MP3 server.

2. They won't give us access until we start calling the galley the "dining facility".

3. The "Fifty Two Weeks of Dan" calendar on the weather scroll was a little much for the world to take.

4. They're afraid the hacker is here and they're trying to protect the rest of the internet.

5. Turns out the Denver network security guy is actually a locksmith.

6. They think that if they can't see the USGS earthquake computers then no earthquakes will occur.

7. They're afraid that the weight of all those packets will increase the sink rate of the New Station.

8. Denver noticed how much faster they can search for porn without all that useless scientific data bogging down the network.

9. They'd give us the password to the firewall....if they knew what it was.

10 South Pole was generating way too much traffic on the website "The Olsen Twins Turn Eighteen".

[Satirical newsletter (pdf/533k) distributed after the hacker attack]

FBI accuses two Romanians of hacking Pole.