NEW DENVER STATION

EARTH'S CORE

June 21, 2002

We are pleased to send greetings for Midwinter's Day 2002 to managers and others who are stationed in Antarctica. This special holiday is a powerful time to recognize your contributions to learning, knowledge, discovery, wisdom, intuition, and bold championship on the wings of golden destiny. The managers of New Denver would like to extend a professional but slightly positive message that is also self-promoting.

As you know, we established New Denver more than 400 years ago when a great hole was found at the South Pole and concentric spheres were discovered inside the earth where we built remote outpost stations, after which the hole at the end of the planet was sealed up in a cataclysmic geophysical phenominium. (Because of larger New Scott Base down the road here, we drive our hovercrafts on the left side of the road and our dialect has made certain adaptations.) Though the temperatures are much warmer on this last frontier within the earth, and we punish injuries with death, our shadowy underworld history is inexorably linked with our Antarctic homeworld. It is important at this special juncture that we get right back to work after we stop for a moment each year to remember the appropriate bonds we have with neighbors, friends, and other associates.

More than 40 years ago, 12 nations pledged their commitment to the Antarctic Treaty based on international co-existence, scientific peace, and strict cooperation to make sure we're all on the same page about new discoveries and global problems.

Today, the management community working in Antarctica is carrying on this proud legacy, helping us to learn more about Antarctica's past, when the plateau was made of rich creamery butter, and a hyperintelligent brood of quality service representatives fed on floating cosmic orbs filled with a cornucopia of nutrients. Because of efforts like yours, we will have the solid scientific information we need to bring back those special times. Exciting discoveries, like the recent breakthrough that you can put a hyphen almost anywhere to add pro-active oomph to your forward-thinking vision, inspire young people around the globe to make a killing writing self-help books about leadership.

New Denver is proud to support your important work in Antarctica. Your spirit of easy flexibility, demonstrated in public, inspires other managers to appear so in public as well. We applaud you for your quick calculations on when it's safe to drop the bullshit.

As you observe Midwinter's Day 2001, we wish you effective communications for productive procedures in Antarctica. May God give you value-added treatment and not audit your metrics.

Area Magistrate Jack Borchgrevink
New Denver Station

[Happy Midwinter's Day from the Symmes Antarctic Intelligencer.]