Reprimand Rodeo
A-howdeeee guys and gals! I'd like to welc'm y'all to Reprimand Rodeo! The one and only rodeo round-up of real live write-ups from Ray-Ray Ranch! -haaaaaw!
For all y'all greenhorns rasslin' wi-whaddam whistlin', lemme splain how we conduct ahselves on the ranchlands down south. Long tom 'go, when MacTown and Ess Pee was wahld frontier, thwasn't nah such thangza write-up. Shore, there was a buncha hollerin' and cussin', but thet was how things done got done. How'ver, now thet we gots all these fancy-talkin' Kansas City types runnin' 'round callin' back to Kay-Cee allatime to see what should done get done about ever li'l thang thet done gets done, we gots write-ups flyin' from the office faster'n woodticks from a campfahr. Well now, ah reckon thet Kansas City ain' gon' get tahrd uh sendin' wave aftah ceaseless wave uh domesticuhtated laddah-climbers with eyes thet gets all good and shahny when'ey staht thinkin' uh turnin' ever'thang juss lahk some Ah-Bee-Em office pahk, but thet ain't nah reas'n they should be the only cattle on the ranch mooin'.
Thass whah'ah set up this here Reprimand Rodeo, so's even them cattle bein' sent straight down to Ol' McHenry's Slaughterhouse kin splain 'emselves. Now, ah know thet cattle in a heapa trouble ofttimes get mooin' real loud, and thass fine, 'n you can say'cha want cuz we's always ready for a real good laugh, but aftah workin' on this here ranch for a fair specka time, ah reckon ah seen as often as not thet the whole darn story ain't nowhere to be seen on these Kansas City write-ups, an' 'n fact ain't no small number uh tahms these Kansas City types is just plain ly'in. Seen it with mah own eyes.
Now then, here's the deal: if y'all get writ-up, y'all kin scan it on one of those fancy Ah-Bee-Em scannin' machines and send it on in to Big Dead Ranch. We'll done take out alla names, cuz no mattah what we still got our dander up about individ'l cuhrtesies, and maybe we'll done print it up for ya, so's that way you don' hav'be splainin' to ev'ry Tom, Dick, and Harry what the hell happened. 'Nstead you kin juss poin'em to Reprimand Rodeo 'n'say, "Odious scoundrel, just leave me be whilst I enjoy my supper." Azza extra bonus, y'all kin splain whatev'r y'all needa splain, and y'all'll have the lass word 'nless y'alls boss done writes in to splain all over agin. Thar's uh real good reas'n for this: y'see, on the Employee Couns'lin' Notice thar's a rule says:
"Leaving the employee's statement blank indicates agreement with the supervisor's statement and plan of action."
Now, ah reckon thet if somebody's lyin' from square one, it looks like y'all'r all guilty-lookin' if y'all defend yuh'self, and y'all'r all plain guilty if ya don'. Now, ahm not too smart on all that Kansas City claptrap, but I figger if it's right by them, it muss be right for them, so we done made up this rule:
"Not responding to Big Dead Place regarding the employee's statement indicates agreement with the employee's statement."
Sound good y'all? Yee-hawwww
All raht now, ah juss got one more thing to fuss over. Thass this: if y'all'r goin' down real bad, and y'all'r gettin' 100% grade-A fired, then y'all'r prob'ly not comin' back, and y'all'v prob'ly already lost y'all's bonus. Well now, ah don' know cuz it's up tuh y'all, but ah reckon y'all don' have much to lose. In that there case, y'all might wanna liven up the Reprimand Rodeo a bit. Y'know how all those Kansas City types are real serious 'n'all when they get to writin' things up? Y'know how they're all "This is a very serious matter," and "What you did was extremely inappropriate," and "On several occasions I warned the employee that this would not be tolerated"? Well now, ah reckon they look funnier when they're all serious-like than any other time of the day, and Big Dead Ranch got a plumb good way to bring it on home.
Here's how: If y'all'r up for it, try to use one of the following words or phrases in y'all's employee statement on the write-up:
"Cowpoke"
"L'il Dogie"
"Rootinest-Tootinest"
"Tarnation"
"...like rasslin' a wet coyote..."
"Vamoose pardner"
"Hoosegow"
"USAP Gulch"
"...all the gold in El Dorado..."
Copy, pardners? All right then. Let's ride!
Reprimand Round-up #1: Fussin' About Cussin'
Reprimand Round-up #2: Fussin' About Mussin' with Cussin'
